I have a close friend who unfortunately can commiserate with me when it comes to dealing with depression and anxiety. We talk most days about our usual topics: family, jobs, video games, geek-related things, and our evil, evil brains. Don't get me wrong, that last topic is not something we dive into all philosophically and wax poetic about; but it is one that comes up more often than we wish it should. He was one of the few people I spoke with about this blog before I started it, and he gave me some interesting insights, as well as permission to share them.
So to start this off, him and I deal with our issues differently. While I am more vocal, he tends to keep things inside. As he explains: "That inherently "male" part of me that exists along with my own depression and anxiety riles against it, labeling it as pointless selfish whining that no one wants to hear. But this is a common thing I tell myself, more often than not, when I have feelings bottled up inside. My upbringing and depression convinces me that I just annoy those around me when I try to talk about my feelings which are most often negative in some way, and talking it through doesn't change the fact that I have the feelings, or stop the issues causing them."
When I first realized I was dealing with depression and anxiety, and that it wasn't just my introvert nature on steroids, I didn't know how to react. Sure, when the panic attacks happened at work, I had to explain to my boss what was going on. Otherwise, I tried to pretend like everything was okay. I would paste a smile on my face and laugh when appropriate, while inside I hated and ridiculed myself for being so weak. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to take any medications. I just wanted to pretend like my issues didn't exist.
Like my friend, I felt like I was bothering everyone around me, and that it would be better if I just shut up and smiled. I was even told by a boss at one point to just suck it up and deal with it, as if it was that simple. I felt like no one wanted to hear me complain, so I just stopped talking about it and suffered in silence. It took me a good while, but now I have a tendency to be very vocal about what I am dealing with, and how it is affecting me. He pointed out something else in relation to that:
"Our words and actions don't just affect ourselves, they also affect those around us, those that are closest to us. What I mean by that, is you have to remember our depression and anxiety is also hard on those who care for us. This is something people suffering often forget... because let's be honest, anxiety and depression are very selfish mental illnesses. We have a tendency to only think about how we feel, how things affect us, how we're the only ones who feel that way. We're not. So basically just remember that even people who aren't afflicted by anxiety and depression are affected by it all the same when someone who they care about is suffering."
It's a hard thing to consider in the midst of an illness. That's why it is so important to surround yourself with people who, even if they cannot understand what you are going though, have the empathy to stand with you in support. You may even already have people in your life who can fulfill that role, and all you need to do is get the courage to speak to them about it. Sounds simple, right? It may actually be one of the hardest things that someone dealing with depression and anxiety can do, but in the end it just might make all the difference.
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