Welcome to Fatherhood, the happiest time of your life, right? When you hold that little bundle of joy for the first time, every doubt is wiped away, every sorrow is turned into joy, and you become this amazing ray of sunshine. Sleep? What's that? Who needs it? I'm operating on pure DAD POWER. Being a dad is the greatest thing ever. I'm so happy!
For as many as 1 in 4 new dads, fatherhood isn't so fun, and not just because you spend more time cleaning up spit-up and changing diapers than you do anything else. For those fathers, that initial elation quickly turns sour, and becomes postpartum depression. I know, that's something only mom's are supposed to get. Men are tough, we have to be strong to support the mother of our children as she recovers from what we put her through. We can't be dealing with these issues ourselves.
When my first child, my son Tanner was born, I truly was happy. He made me what I always wanted to be: a dad. Yes, I was tired all the time, and yes, it wasn't all rainbows and sunshine; but I was happy! Tanner was for all accounts a great baby. He didn't cry too much, he was less fussy than other babies I had seen, and he made being a dad easy.
Six weeks ago my daughter Callie was born. She is just a tad more difficult than her brother. She has acid reflux, which means that she eats, spits everything up, and then cries because she's hungry. This is a constant cycle in my house, and it seems to happen more during the night. On top of that, I now have a two and a half year old toddler who, while he actually loves his baby sister, is still a toddler who likes to get into everything. I'm still a dad, which is what I always wanted, but all of a sudden it's a lot harder.
Within a few days of bringing Callie home, I was struggling to keep my optimism I had with Tanner. I was exhausted, grumpy and short-tempered. I would almost snap at my son while he wasn't doing anything wrong, just because I couldn't handle him. On top of that, I felt the cold fingers of depression start to grip me tightly, and I began to question everything. Could I really be a parent to two children? Was I a good dad? Was I a good husband? I tried to keep it together as best I could, because I could see that my wife was suffering her own battle with postpartum depression.
There was an evening not very long ago where we were all sitting in the living room, and I looked over at my wife and said "I don't know if I can do this." Everything spilled out of me then. My fears about my abilities as a father, my depression rearing it's ugly head, my anxiety spiraling out of control. "You have postpartum depression," she said, matter-of-factly. "Let me help you, and we can get through this together."
So here we are, fighting this battle together. I consider myself very lucky having my wife going through this with me, because many men out there may not have this same luxury, for whatever reason. There is always hope, though. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. The first step is the same first step as with anything you are going through: admit that you need help. There are so many resources out there, as well as many other men who have been through this and can share their experiences and what they did to make it out of the darkness.
Be brave. Ask for help.
If you need to know where to look, here are a few resources that can help you:
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