It is a sad fact that there is a stigma surrounding men and mental health issues. It has been ingrained in most of us since birth that men are to be strong all the time, and that expressing any indication that there is anything wrong is a sign of weakness. Many of us were raised by fathers who taught us nothing more than what their fathers taught them, passing down the same macho attitude for generations.
Now let me be clear: there is nothing inherently wrong with "manliness". After all, the name itself implies that you are simply being who you are, a man. The issue is what that word has become in the eyes of the world. Emotions have no place in manliness, it seems, with the possible exception of anger. We should push everything down deep that might show a hint of something other than the tough, hard exterior we want to show.
So what happens when we bottle up everything in an attempt to be "manly"? That's where the anger comes into play. We aren't allowed to deal with our issues, so we take it out on those around us. Then we have the guilt of our actions compounding on the real source of our anger, and it creates a vicious cycle. Some men even get to the point where they are no longer sure how everything even began.
I have a very bad temper, but not many people are aware of it, and even fewer people have seen me let it out. It is caused by me refusing to deal with something that's bothering me until the moment of explosion. Bottling up my emotions and my issues became second nature to me over the years, and it is only within the past 4-5 years that I have begun to change how I deal with my problems.
Take a pressure vessel, a propane tank for example. By itself, it's nothing more than a hunk of formed metal, and it's only danger to others is if someone decides to hit you with one. Begin to fill it up with propane, however, and the danger increases. Picture a full propane tank on a hot summer day, sitting out in the open, bathing in the sun's rays. Before long, the liquid in the tank will begin to expand in the warmth, increasing the pressure inside the bottle. Without any way to let out some of that propane, the tank could get to the point where the pressure inside overcomes the strength of the metal containing it, and it explodes. I have seen firsthand the damage that can cause, and it's not something that can be easily or quickly repaired.
The same applies to men, when our tempers erupt and damage everyone around us. We might not always be able to see the physical effects, but the damage is done none the less. That is why propane tanks are required to have a simple little device designed to prevent disaster: a pressure relief valve. When the pressure builds to a certain point, the relief valve is forced open, letting the pressure escape until the vessel is no longer in danger of bursting. It saves not only the propane tank, but also everything around it.
As men, we need to find our own pressure relief valves. Whether it be a friend, a spouse, or a professional, we all need a way to relieve some of what's been building up inside us. Speak with your doctor, call a health helpline, or schedule some time with a therapist. As much as it may seem like admitting you have a problem makes you weak, you will find that facing what's buried head on takes more strength than hiding it. So man up!
Here are a few links that can help point you in the right direction:
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